Do we need more words for love?

For a majority of my life I would not tell many people I loved them. I wanted the word to mean something to those that I did say it to. My husband and I actually had a discussion at the time about what the word actually means. To my husband it means a range of things from “I enjoy hanging out with you at this time” to “I would do anything for you”. Some of those are pretty loose terms compared to what I had in mind which is that love meant an unconditional promise. Even if someone was wrong, hurt me, or didn't have my best interests at heart, my love for them wouldn't necessarily stop. That didn't mean they would continue to have a place in my life. I could set boundaries, walk away, and decide that a relationship was no longer good for me. But if that person needed help and I was able to give it, I would still be willing to do so. If someone who had hurt me needed a ride to the airport, for example, I might still give them one. The relationship could end without my love for that person ending with it. As you can imagine one of us said the word a lot more often than the other.

Over the years I have had deep friendships and I did love those people but I knew it wasn’t unconditional, and sometimes not even really conditional. I just knew they would not be in my life forever. We were friends at the time because of things like kids and their social activities, and as the kids moved on in life so does that friendship. Given the deep meaning I had placed on love it made me miss out on being able to express to them that I really appreciated them and our time together, which leads to the thought that “Oh no, my husband’s definition might be more fitting”. Although how can that really be? I loved my husband so much more than my friends but I definitely loved my friends. It was just different. Then I learned about how the Greeks defined love and that changed my views drastically.

It turns out I was not the first person, and probably not the last, to wonder about how love was supposed to work. Ancient Greek philosophers had been exploring the question for centuries, developing different words and ideas to describe the ways we experience love. Over time, people have borrowed from ancient Greek and Latin terms to create different ways of categorizing love. If you Google the topic, you'll generally find lists of six to eight types of love.

1. Agape which is defined as a love for humanity and in general. For this type of love think about walking down the street and seeing someone who you don’t wish harm to and in fact you may wish them to have a good day. That would fall into the Agape love.
2. Ludus which is a playful love. For example, flirting with a random person and enjoying that moment, making a silly face at a child to get them to smile, that kind of thing. That is Ludus.
3. Philia is a love between friends. This would have been the feeling I had for my friends. They aren’t going to be around forever but for right now I love them.
4. Storge which is a familial love. So that great aunt you see at holidays, your siblings, and such would fall into this category.
5. Eros would be next, which is romantic love. This is the love that you have when you first get into a relationship, that intense love where you are always thinking about the other person and can’t wait to touch them and hear all about their day.
6. Next we move into Pragma. This is the love that lasts, the love that is unconditional regardless of the other person. It is more of an enduring love. While not required, I know that for me I put my kids into this category.